Unbreakable Ties ♥

:)

2012-01-23T22:09:00.001+11:00

Hello from china

So fast...

2012-01-18T13:15:00.001+11:00

Will be leaving the house in about 5 hours to head to the airport.

Yet there is no excitement.
I just feel too overwhelmed about everything, and my attitude is just "meh" to everything :(
Meh to finishing off itineraries (Going to wing it now!), meh to finishing off packing, meh to even eating lunch.....
This happens every time.

Hopefully this time tomorrow I'll be getting into this :)

Self reflection

2012-01-10T17:23:00.000+11:00

When you're in solitude, you have time to think about... everything. It gives you a chance to reflect on your actions and your words. Maybe sometimes this is a bad thing, as you may over think, over analyse situations.

Honestly, for me I feel that I'm just one big mess. So confused about everything. And I also feel that this kind of feeling comes to me so often. What do I do? I remember telling myself, it all doesn't matter - anything will do. But when it comes down to it, it does matter. I can't just randomly say 'yeah, that will do'. For me, it has to be close to perfect, even though nothing in this world is perfect. Crazy huh? I really want to try and go with the flow, but somehow I'm too much of a perfectionist to be one of those happy-go-lucky kind of people. I like to have control of some sort to know where I'm heading.

But then again, that is the thing. We will never know what life will throw at us. I just want to live happily with no regrets. That's my new year resolution.

Another year where the truth only hurts more

2012-01-09T11:35:00.004+11:00

Firstly i wanna wish everyone.. A HAPPY NEW YEAR! lets make these new resolutions happen already :) only 8 more days till serene & i will be leaving on our trip, pretty excited but not at the same time..

The past year feels like i have been round in circles, i have this image of someone in my head, not one single person is able to change my thought of them after everyhting and now im not so sure if thats a good thing. Ive looked up to this person soo much, that they would be the first person i think off when something good or bad happens, that i can never hate but only forgive them for all the mistakes. In a way i feel stupid, as much as the friendship means to me, in other ways it still continues to hurt me, it feels like i care too much but its pointless caring for someone who only sees you as a backup plan ..
i dont think i am able to do this anymore, i feel like i have to distance myself but yet i am afraid of losing the friendship once again, what a great start to 2012!

back into shopping..

2012-01-09T11:23:00.003+11:00

serene & i went on a shopping spree during the boxing day sales so here's what we got....

all this was found at DFO homebush

and this was bought on boxing day @ myers and other surrounding stores in the city :)

since then our purchases has slowed down heaps and i have become a workaholic... not to worry our trip overseas is just around the corner!

Still alive

2012-01-07T22:39:00.001+11:00

It has been a while. Maybe I should get into a habit of blogging again?

I'll do a proper post next time when I'm at home. Currently on bus home and using phone to blog, if this isn't renewed dedication... I don't know what is. After talking to a friend today about this blog and how he finds it interesting, made me think that it may just be time to stop neglecting it :) and to that friend, I just want to say thanks for reading hehe

You know those times where you keep yourself busy and you forget everything that has been bothering you.
What to do when you find a bit of time to yourself and it all comes back?

Just some thoughts

2011-12-15T23:14:00.001+11:00

There are so many people in this city, this country, this planet. But why is it that for some of us, it has to be that one person. You know those kind of people who are able to capture your heart so tightly that no matter how much you try to struggle from their grasp, you just can't. They somehow got you all wrapped and caught into a fantasy.

Their every word, every action is able to control you. You try to forget about everything that has happened in the past, and honestly you do forget some parts. But the thing is, you only seem to remember all the good times. Those times where they had made you smile, made you laugh, made you feel like the most important person in this world. But honestly, what about those bad times? The tears, the heart ache, the sleepless nights where you cried yourself to sleep? What about all the unanswered questions, the confusions.. Anything logical is clouded by fantasy. The fantasy that you somehow kept repeating over and over in your head. None of it is real. You just need to know this and move on. You broke up with a reason, remember that reason and know that it didn't work out in the first place for that reason.

Unless they are able to show you how much they've changed, how much they've matured, how much extra real effort they are willing to put in, it's not worth it. There is no such thing as a second 'second chance'. Move on and become some one better. Tell yourself that you are going to find someone even better.

That's the only way to live.

If one day you somehow end up unintentionally in each other's presence, then call it fate. If it's meant to be, it will happen... eventually. And if that is the case, let everything fall into place and cherish that happiness :)

sisterly love

2011-12-13T15:37:00.002+11:00

somethings will always remain the same :)

i miss you..

2011-12-09T00:52:00.002+11:00

i miss you. i miss how you cared for me,
how you always make m day,
how you used to cheer me up,
and how you make me feel that you loved me.

i miss everything that used to be....

Secret Garden - Kiss Scene

2011-12-05T02:21:00.000+11:00

Best scene from 'Secret Garden'.

Classy.

Elegant.

Romantic.

Everything just seems so magical.

“It’s not because I love you, but because I only love you. If I don’t have you, then I won’t have any other choices."

No more dwelling

2011-11-28T00:32:00.001+11:00

This thought never occurred to me:
When time has surely moved on and you are still thinking, regretting and wishing to change some of your actions back then.. Truth is....

You're in love with the memory. It's not real. You always tend to remember the good, forget the bad.

Stop living in the past and live for yourself, now.

Every time....

2011-11-22T22:16:00.001+11:00

I decide to forget about everything and start off fresh, you some how always end up giving me reasons for doing what I did. If it is like that, why do I bother?

Is there ever such a thing as a second chance in life?

Live life: Stop Worrying

2011-11-11T22:56:00.001+11:00

Every now and then I need someone to remind me to stop, take a breath and stop worrying. When it's done, it's done. There is no way of going back to change any of it. So just do nothing, and live a little.

孫耀威 Eric Suen【You And I】MV

2011-10-15T22:25:00.000+11:00

Fun, crazy times

2011-10-14T22:26:00.001+11:00

Nails: Lady Beetle inspired

2011-10-14T22:17:00.000+11:00

New nail design! Usually I'm not someone who likes using such a bright colour, but this time is an exception since I think the design looks really cute. Like all nails with a glitter top coat, the photograph doesn't capture how cool it really looks under sunlight, so you just have to try it out for yourself!

Three different nail polishes were used to create that design: Rubi shoes (Not sure of the colour name, I'll just call it Coral Red), Ulta3 Red Glitter and XOX Black.

1. Two coats of Coral Red (Any red nail polish will do really)
2. Three coats of Red Glitter for the extra shine :D
3. Randomly dot Black over nails.

And there you have it.

Christine and I currently have matching nail designs.... awesome! :D

Lunch today: A huge bowl of noodles

2011-10-11T22:30:00.000+11:00

Thought I would share this as these are one of the best tasting noodles I have ever tried. Just looking at it is making me crave some more D:

Sasa Haul: Laneige, Dolly Wink, Diamond Lash

2011-10-11T22:26:00.000+11:00

Finally received my Sasa package, it was shipped via regular shipping so it took about a week longer than EMS - which was fine with me as I was in no rush to get these items anyway.

First up, Laneige. Decided to invest my $$$ into the White Plus Renewal range. Paid $63 AUD this set which includes:

Skin Refiner 120ml
Emulsion 120ml
Essence 10ml
Night Cream 15ml
Eye Serum 5ml

I read good reviews about it online, so here is to hoping that my skin can improve like everyone elses' :) I still want to get the foam cleanser and day cream, and then try it all out together. Yeah, I guess sometimes I have this weird thing about getting a whole set before starting anything.. hopefully I'm not the only one like this and that someone out there is like me?? D:

Next, Dolly Wink. I love Dolly Wink's packaging. They are so cute and girly and there's no way I can throw it out... I'll probably end up with an entire drawer of cute packaging haha

Got the liquid eyeliner in black ($12.50 AUD), no. 1 sweet dolly upper lashes ($12 AUD) and no. 5 real nude lower lashes ($12.50 AUD).

Diamond Lash wasn't part of Sasa haul, but thought I would chuck it in anyway since it arrived today as well. This brand is mentioned throughout all gyaru magazines so I thought I would give it a try. It was pretty hard to find affordable places to buy it online as both Sasa and Bonjour don't stock it :( So I resorted to Ebay and ended up paying $16-$17 AUD for a box. There's 5 pairs, so at the end of the day it still works out to be cheaper than Dolly Wink. Affordable right? I settled with Diamond Lash - Dolly eye as I quite like the design. Will review when I do try them out, although not quite sure when that will be as final exams are approaching....

China Glaze: Bubbly

2011-10-11T21:56:00.000+11:00

This blog is majorly delayed. I was meant to type this up about a week and a half ago when I first got these nails painted in Bubbly. Please excuse the unpainted bit near my cuticle, nails just happen to grow real fast :S

I really like the consistency of it as it just glides across smoothly, not to mention the colour. It's such a nice shimmery gold, I seriously couldn't stop staring at them once they were done :D However, I felt that 1 or 2 coats alone were not enough to get it looking like what's in the bottle; the colour was very sheer and light, and its gold tones were not coming through. It took me about 4 coats till I was happy with it. However, this aspect of it would make it such a great top coat over any other matte coloured nail polish if you're after a shimmery feel! Definitely want to try that out next time.

Rating: 4/5

王力宏: 依然愛你 MV

2011-10-06T16:02:00.001+11:00

I really like this song and have been listening to it on repeat since Leehom posted on the link on his facebook fan page. Is it me, or is 王力宏越来越帅？

Much easier said than done

2011-10-02T00:06:00.000+10:00

That feeling of wanting to escape to somewhere....

MAGICAL

Is it lame that I define a magical place as being anywhere like the above picture? That's kind of the place I want to be in right now.

October already, so there's 1 month and 9 days till uni for 2011 is over. This mean finals are approaching damn fast, yet here I am wasting my life away not doing what I'm suppose to. I mentioned it last time - 3 assessments this coming up week - yet here I am going crazy with online shopping, youtubing & blog reading. Honestly, my bank account right now only has about $13 and that's still not enough to buy what I want :'(

Why is it I can't focus on my studies only? It's like, I know what needs to be done, what should be done yet I can't do it? And when people ask me for study advice, I'm able to break in down into achievable & realistic steps, yet I can't even apply my own advice??

Here's another lame procrastination that I have lately. Background info first: Back in the good old high school days I loved anime/manga - I was hardcore fan, update to date with all the episodes and all that. However, due to HSC I stopped, then after HSC I just wasn't bothered to catch up on all the episodes I had missed. Then a few weeks ago, I don't know what came over me but I decided to watch.... Naruto Shippuden -___-". I stopped watching around episode 80, and now I'm up to 217 (nearly up to date) Filler episodes aside, I never would have imagined the story would turn out the way that it did. And honestly, within those hundred something episodes I watched I laughed, cried, was kept in suspense and even learnt a thing or two about self belief and the strength of bonds you have with people.

Neji is still my favourite side character, even though they hardly show him :(

So that's my nerdy side of myself talking. But is it really weird (or wrong) for someone to enjoy:

Fashion
Makeup
Asian dramas
American TV series: Both drama and reality
Anime
Manga
Novels
Asian songs
Western songs
Photography
Knitting
Blogging

It's a diverse mix, however isn't that the result of being an ABC? You get some of the Australian/Westernised culture imbedded into your lifestyle and interests. So you get the best of both worlds. Kind of cool when you think it that way?

P.S I'm wanting to buy more nail polish :S Maybe, Bankstown again this coming up Wednesday. Argh can't control my temptations....

Time for a change?? & Gyaru inspiration: Tsubasa Masuwaka

2011-09-29T21:05:00.001+10:00

I know I always go on about self reinventions and maybe this time I feel like I need another one. I hate it how I get sick of staying the same for too long. First and foremost, been thinking for a while that I should dye my hair back to black. I feel like I have to start getting serious about life and the future. It's a no brainer that future prospective employers take people with their natural hair colour more seriously (or maybe that's just a general assumption I'm making here? Regardless I'm not willing to take that risk). And honestly, I don't blame them since first impressions and the way you present yourself to them matters! Having hair that has gone through many chemicals doesn't exactly scream: I'm serious.

This wanting to dye hair black has come at such a bad time since I've recently been reading heaps of japanese fashion magazines and falling in love with the gyaru style in them (most gyarus have dyed hair and is making me want to dye my hair to an ash brown colour -___-"). However, after coming across Tsubasa Masuwaka's photos of her pulling off the dark hair look, it gives me some sort of hope that maybe, I can pull of a gyaru look with black hair.

For those wondering what gyaru is, the literal translation from japanese is 'gal' meaning trendy girl. There are many different subcategories to this depending on fashion style, but in general it's about keeping up with the latest trends in hair, clothing, nails, make up etc. Conclusion: It's about being trendy!

Very stylish right? Might try and see if I can pull off this look one day ;)

Cute dress and nails!! Think its about time I invest in some red and navy coloured nail polishes to try and replicate those nails!!

So yeah, that's Tsubasa Masuwaka. Aside from being a popular gyaru model, she has also released her own brand of cosmetics: Candy Doll and Dolly Wink. And also released her own line of circle lenses: Bambi Princess Mimi. I definitely want to try them out once enough $$$ are saved :)

Dance With My Father

2011-09-27T20:48:00.000+10:00

New song that currently on repeat. One of JV's best covers I think :) When I close my eyes and listen to his voice, these lyrics, the piano chords in the back... everything feels so real. I feel his emotions and I feel like there's something connecting us. Crazy huh? Maybe 'cause this song is so close to home...

***
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father
again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

Semester 2 Exam Timetable

2011-09-27T20:40:00.001+10:00

Day	Date	Start Time	End Time	Course	Paper#	Location	Materials

Tuesday	01/11/2011	13:45	16:00	ACCT3583:Management Accounting 2	1		Calculator - UNSW Approved
Wednesday	09/11/2011	13:45	16:00	ACCT3708:Auditing & Assurance Services	1		No Exam Materials permitted

Totally forgot that exam timetables come our today until a friend reminded me. Seems to be a pretty relaxing exam period right? I also got Introductory Chinese 1B during week 13 as well. And for the first time in an exam period where I don't have an 8:45AM exam, hooray to sleeping in longer!!

Hopefully this semester I'll be able to get my marks like last semesters, if not better :) I'll start getting serious once I survive week 11. Have so many assessments due then: Chinese reading & writing test, Auditing test and Auditing assignment. Very depressing week lies ahead....

Life is a big mystery

2011-09-27T14:14:00.004+10:00

The blog heading really says it all.... 'Life is a big mystery'
When you have finally settled down, getting use to the way things are-things will continue to change, some for the best and some for the worst..

I continue to surprise myself, and what i get up to these days. This semester has been the worst for me, i continue to go out and party-whilst neglecting my studies. I know that this isn't me, what really surprised me was the state i got into last Saturday night at my friend's birthday, i felt so ugly and trashy to the extent that i didn't care what people around me were doing or what i was saying and who was looking. That is not who i am or how i want to continue to be like, so although some of you may say my party days have just started... it has come to an end (as in that state i was in a couple of nights ago) i never want to feel like that again, helpless! if it wasn't for having friends that are like family to me, i have no idea how i would have gotten home by myself, so a big thank you to everyone!

Also when you finally though that someone is gone for good, that you were once so close to that suddenly you have become strangers with, comes back into you life. This person meant so much to me and still does, no matter what they did i glad that we arnt strangers no more, we have a long history and the good and the bad that no one else can understand.

So i guess in life you never know what to expect, it is a waste of time crying and missing the past, i am still a strong believer of 'whatever happens, happens for a reason', Therefore you should just smile and look forward to the other mysteries in life, you will never know what the future holds for you, it s just full of surprises!

(photo of my two brothers- love them both)

The certainty that follows

2011-09-24T22:17:00.000+10:00

Sometimes in life we encounter those moments of confusion, of uncertainty. Its during those times we feel most vulnerable, helpless and would cling tightly onto anything which symbolises some sort of stability or hope. Sometimes in life we mistaken what we thought was real with our own fantasies and wishful thinking. We make ourselves believe that whats happening, was happening because of that one soul reason: That it was fate. And anything which follows was meant to happen. Words which were said were altered by our own heart before being processed by our brain. And words which were unsaid were based upon pure assumptions and sheer hope. These kind of situations bring nothing but emotional hurt and pain for oneself. Slowly but surely, an internal storm brews up inside of us. For some, they are able to combat this storm with ease, and for others, it takes them a while.

If I were to categorise myself, I would say unfortunately I fit into the latter. It takes me time, a lot of time to realise things. Sometimes I get carried away in the moment and just forget everything else. As a result of that, I say things, do things that I regret. Thinking about it now, why did I waste my time over such a situation? Why did I care about it so much before? Everything seems to trivial now; looking back, those moments were not real. Although things may have happened, it's interpreted differently to different people.

In moments of confusion, we know that eventually we'll come to our own resolve. And, that's our certainty that follows....

China Glaze: Glam & Trophy Wife

2011-09-23T17:52:00.000+10:00

As you all know from my last post, I recently bought myself a few China Glaze nail polishes. Currently, my nails have Glam and Trophy Wife on.

And before anyone ask, yes they are my real nails - been growing them since after semester 1 exams :) Usually I would cut them shorter every month or so, but since this semester I'm not studying intense calculator work subjects, I slowly let them grow over the months and this is what I have now :D

These photos don't even come close in doing them justice for how nice they look in person, especially under sunlight. I have 2 coats of Trophy Wife on as the base colour, and then 2-3 coats of Glam on top to give it the shimmer glitter effect, kind of went crazy with the glitter, but I don't think it would look good if there was only a coat of it. Trophy Wife on its own looked really nice as well, but unfortunately I didn't take a photo of it :(

Despite having so many coats on, it feels as if I'm only wearing one coat! That and, it dries pretty quick. I'm one happy chappy :D

Recent purchase: China Glaze

2011-09-23T17:35:00.000+10:00

The other day Christine and I detoured after uni, and ended up in Bankstown. We were there with a purpose, so it wasn't one of those "Hey, I'm bored. Lets just randomly hop on a train and see where we end up" hahaha, although that does sound like a possible idea to do in the future :P

At Bankstown, there's this nail shop called "Pro Nails Supply" and they sell branded nail polishes damn cheap! It's located opposite Bankstown Sports Club and is only about a 5 minute walk from the station. I've been eyeing 'China Glaze' nail polishes for a while now, and they sell it for only $6. That's cheaper than ebay, and about the same price (if not a bit cheaper) than if I were to order online from the US from Head2ToeBeauty.com (price + shipping). So given the choices, who wouldn't prefer to go and buy it in person rather than wait 2-3 weeks for the package to arrive?! They actually got a pretty good selection of China Glaze, and do have other brands such as OPI, Essie, Orly etc The only thing that I would criticize is their customer service. It's basically non-existent - not even a greeting - and I felt a bit awkward without even receiving a THANK YOU, have a good day or something along those lines after my purchase. But maybe that's just me and how I'm used to serving customers at work :S

Anyway, we ended up choosing 6 colours... and guess who had to pay for it? T__T

From left-right: Glam, Trophy Wife, Stellar, Latte, Bubbly, Gold Digger

I'm really happy with these. Usually I'm not the type to spend $6/bottle on nail polish, but you really do pay for quality. Hoping to invest in more of these and build up the collection :D Yeah, I'm starting to have an obsession with nail polishes now!

For Sydney girls who are interested in the place, here are the details:
Pro Nail Supply
9 Greenfield Pde
Bankstown NSW 2200
Tel: (02)-9709-2300

A snippet

2011-09-10T20:27:00.000+10:00

爱是两个人的事。

2011-09-05T23:49:00.000+10:00

已经过了那么长时间，认识了那么多人，但是我还觉得他是最配我的人。为什么那么长时间我还不能忘了他？

是因为了他我受了很多的苦，丢了很多的眼泪。
但是也是因为了他我可以感觉到这世界上最快乐的感情：爱。

想来想去他是这世界上最懂我的人。跟他在一起的时候我不用假装；想说什么就说什么，想做什么就做什么，化妆不化妆，打扮不打扮都可以。找个对象，因该是这样吧？

That sudden moment when..

2011-09-03T15:52:00.001+10:00

... you come realise what a lie you've been living.

Everything slowly becomes more clear to you.
What was said, what wasn't said.
The reasons for those actions.

Everything was did with a purpose
but everyone had their own different motive
Thoughts of everything being meant to be,
being perfect...
are all just figments of my imagination

Thinking about it now,
we are worlds apart.
Too different,
although some what similar
Our very thin invisible string of friendship
that's keeping us together

But I wonder,
How long will it take for that string to break?
How long will it be till that day
when you will leave me behind?

For us to even had met,
and even communicated
truly was more than ever expected.

I'll stop pretending
and stop lying to myself

I'll live in this moment
And just see where things will take me
Will take us

You never know what to expect

2011-09-02T22:04:00.000+10:00

Wish published: To get away from reality (Monday)

Wish granted: Wednesday

Efficient or what? :D

Only downside is that I will have to wait until January 18 2012 for it to happen though. But that's okay since I never thought that it would happen at all, so everything is a bonus. Who would've guessed that my procrastination in studying for audit quiz had led me to checking airline tickets online, and then to booking them on Wednesday :O

Continuing on, from January 18 - February 27 we'll be missing in action back in Sydney. Did anyone else notice how similar the travel dates are to this year's one? If I remember correctly, this year it was January 17 - February 26. Just one day off! It'll be like reliving that trip, except this time hopefully things will be twice as fun. I'm really excited!! Already planning things to do, places to go, places to eat and hotels to stay in.

Why can't time just hurry along and let me get to 2012 faster?

P.S Start of the much needed midsem break! And wasted half of it sleeping. If it weren't for my mum calling the house phone at 12pm, I probably would've slept in till 1-2pm :(

P.P.S Also started day 1 of exercise. Okay, I'm going to be motivated this time and I have a good reason too. Need to make sure I still fit into Asia's tiny tiny "one size fits all" clothing in 3.5 months time!!

P.P.P.S I also really need to make a start on cleaning my room. It has been delayed since.... wait for it.... last semester. Someone do the maths and tell me how many days that is! I know, what a disgrace I am. It's currently, no word of a lie, papers, textbooks, bags, new never worn clothing, make up, heaps of papers (lecture notes, junk, many copies of mX), cables etc all over the room. Maybe I'll go clean it after this post... hmmm

I don't like making pictureless posts, so added a random bathroom mirror shot :) Been wearing black heaps recently. Reflection of my mood? :S Oh yeah, another thing... it seems that my hair colour has gone lighter :D

'Cause baby, you're a firework

2011-08-29T23:16:00.005+10:00

After a whole day of thinking, I've decided to stay put in Sydney rather than go China. Why? Mainly because of two reasons: doubts and motive.

If it was something that I was passionate about, I wouldn't had needed to think about it so long. The doubts that I have right now are indirectly giving me the answer. In these kind of situations, doubts shouldn't exist. These kind of opportunities should be grasped swiftly with triumph and certainty. My pondering of it, basically means at the end of the day, my heart really isn't in it, right?

Next, motives. More specifically, ulterior motives - doing a particular action, with the intention of getting something else out of it. Why did I want to go study in China? What thoughts had led me to wanting to go? I basically saw the entire study trip as a holiday. I just want a reason to get out of the country, leave reality behind and relax at Taiwan, Hong Kong etc I had no intention of actually studying or learning chinese. I just wanted to have fun. Doesn't seem like someone that actually deserves to go right?

Just another thing about ulterior motives. I've done it a couple of times before, and once a friend reminded me how I probably shouldn't do something based on those motives. And you know what? That friend was right. In the end, I disregarded that advice and that created more pain than anything else. I wished I had listened. But it wasn't intentional. It never is. Lets just say, sometimes I get carried away in the moment and thought that it was a smart decision to make at that time. Yeah, I guess that's how I am sometimes.

Oh and I'll try my best stop those depressing posts. Sometimes I forget that people do read this blog and I don't want people to think that I'm some emo that hates life. I can't say I hate it, more like dissatisfied. You know what? I'm in desperate need of a self reinvention.

Clear thoughts.
Clear mind.
Clean slate.

Do whatever it takes to get me to be where I want to be.

I'll start with changing my lifestyle. Exercising and healthier eating :) Until I am satisfied with myself and how I am, I can't expect anyone else to be. Sad thing is, this lifestyle change will need to be postponed till after Thursday (Chinese Mid-session: 20% Arghh I neeeeeed to study!!)

I think I'm getting into blogging again....

倪安東 - Sorry That I Loved You

2011-08-29T22:46:00.002+10:00

Listening back to this song, and remembering the conversation that once was. Maybe now, I understand what was meant.

Sorry for taking so long.

王力宏「你不知道的事」

2011-08-29T22:29:00.000+10:00

Do I go, or not?

2011-08-28T23:19:00.002+10:00

Last date to submit the online registration form is Monday 29 August 2011.

That was all I thought about today. I was hoping to come to a final decision about study abroad tonight, but I'm still indecisive. Every time I click open the application and say "I'm ready to submit this", part of me stop and think "Are you sure?"

It must be a commitment issue, that and fear of the unknown. I honestly want to go and experience new things. Go to a different province in China and see how it's like. Dropping by Taipei, Hong Kong, Shenzhen before arriving at my study location in Kunming. Maybe going Shanghai/Beijing during the 9 day Christmas break. Before flying back to Sydney, go Guangzhou, any hopefully able to detour and visit grandparents/relatives back around the Dongguan area.

Seems like a trip of a lifetime. But considerations needed for:
- Money, I'll have to demolish my life savings for this.
- Someone to accompany me in Taipei, Hong Kong, Shenzhen etc Who honestly like to sight see alone? :(

Conclusion: Giving myself another day to sleep on it, before the applications close tomorrow!

That's life for you

2011-08-21T16:01:00.003+10:00

Today's celestial alignment is having quite an effect on your relationships. You may need to reconsider why you have become involved in something that seems to bring you more difficulty than happiness. This may only be temporary, but you do need to think about what motivated you to make the move in the first place. If you are really serious, then talking will begin to bridge the gap.

Sometimes I feel stupid and naive. Today's one of those days. Maybe I do regret some of my actions and wish that I could take it back. Maybe I do regret saying some things that I wish I hadn't. And maybe I wish that I was able to stop my thoughts before it had went chaotic and out of control.

Wishful thinking. I know now that is what it was.

And honestly, I feel like a complete fool.

I was serious about it all, and now I'm not too sure. There is no point wasting anymore of my time energy and everything else... that part of my life: closed.

KEEP CALM AND GROW A MOUSTACHE

2011-08-15T21:14:00.003+10:00

my new outlook on life :3

haha nahh recently purchased today from typo $6.95, a new 4 subject A5 workbook for uni. But i love it, makes me very motivated to write in it :)

truth

2011-08-08T23:09:00.002+10:00

The first step towards going somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

Maybe things that were unsaid, were unsaid for a reason

2011-08-05T21:58:00.003+10:00

Tired, and over it all.

Physically in pain, emotionally tired and eyes are puffy and straining to stay open.

It's probably time I just go sleep.

Been a while since I last slept so early.

Any where but reality

2011-08-05T18:55:00.000+10:00

I just want to get on a plane and fly far away from here.

That's what I want to do.

Leehom Mashup (第一個心跳 Forever 在梅邊) - Jason Chen x Gerald Ko

2011-08-05T17:50:00.000+10:00

I know, deep down

2011-08-05T00:25:00.001+10:00

Am I wasting my time hoping for something that isn't there?

Life recently

2011-08-03T22:52:00.005+10:00

Summing up in a few dot points:

Uni started - week 3 already D: but my brain is still on holiday...
First concert experience
First teppanyaki experience
Dyed hair brown/red
Want to buy more clothes... maybe I do have a problem... :S
Need to buy new skin care range since my current Shiseido White Lucent is finishing. Stick to Shiseido, or try out LANEIGE? Argh, decisions.
Weather been pretty warm recently, and it's still winter. Don't want to think about how it be like in summer
Thinking of going to study abroad in China, 85% sure I want to do this
Also with all the 21st birthdays coming up, making me think that maybe I will be bothered to organise something for my 21st - which is still like 6 months away haha
I'm over UNSW campus food, so overpriced.
Currently have an obsession with the food at the Kebab shop at UTS food court. So much more affordable and yummy. UNSW pide can't compare!
Probably will be visiting Christine at UTS every Monday now since I finish so early...
Been setting high expectations of myself, and since I couldn't achieve it, I do feel useless

Anyway, lately been meeting heaps of different people by being involve in all these activities. But when I think about it, how many of these people will be actual life long friends? How many of the people I met are actually people I would consider inviting to my wedding? That's what gets me. But then again, everyone has potential, it just all depends on the amount of effort put in, right? I wouldn't call myself anti social, but I am not the most social person out there either.

I don't want to have negative talk but...

2011-08-02T22:31:00.000+10:00

It seems like I am a FAILURE :(

若果你说你不是花花公子的话，那我们在一起的时候，你觉得我们是什么呢？

2011-08-02T20:12:00.003+10:00

One side of you saying it's real
The other is telling you it's all in your head
One side of you keep thinking about previous actions
The other is telling you that it meant nothing to them
One side of you felt like maybe something was there
The other is telling you that it meant nothing at all
One side of you hate them for making you feel this way
The other side of you can't stay angry at them for long

Yet another battle that I can't win.

The world is beautiful

2011-07-31T21:22:00.002+10:00

Half a year has come and gone, and there is so many changes already for the year 2011.
Meeting new people, making new friends, gaining a closer bond to some old friends, whilst in the process loosing other people you were once close with. I have learnt to accept the fact, that that is the way life is, in the end fate will take its place and we will all end up how things are meant to be :)

There are some things that i would still love to say to some people, but i wont. I think i have grew up more this half a year, and became more independent. There was a stage in my life where i relied on someone for happiness, i thought that they were the one that bring me happiness and without them there i would be lost. and truth is i was lost...i was lost for a while, a long while infact, until i was able to accept the fact that people change, and the person who they are now, is not the person that i knew. So now this is no longer the case, i guess happiness all depends on yourself, and those you want to enjoy your smiles with around you. I guess that is one stage i wont look back to, now thinking back i was really reliant on them, due to letting them get close to me. For me i dont let people in easily, and when i do, thats when i really trust someone, until that trust is gone and it re-reminds me why i dont let people in once again.

But 2011 has been great for me, i like being more independent, so for now my new aim is job/drive! so im really looking forward to the next semester of uni, and seeing the new wonderful people i can meet :)

So after everything i still believe the world is a beautiful place, no matter how many tears or frowns, a light will eventually lead you to the right path.

Fish Leong: The Love Library World Tour

2011-07-27T23:05:00.004+10:00

Two more days! :)

If only you knew...

2011-07-19T22:11:00.003+10:00

How much easier would it be if in life we are able to say out what we are thinking without any consequences? It is these consequences that are ultimately stopping us from saying how we really feel. Consequences are the result of our actions. If we are cautious with the things we do or say, we are able to immune or more like protect ourselves from anything detrimental.

So why am I wanting to 'protect' myself? The answer is most probably fear. Fear of ruining what is already there, fear of changing things for the worse. I'm going to admit, I'm not much of a risk taker. And I know sometimes, that is a bad thing. If we don't take chances once in a while, won't we still be wondering what if? And I myself know for sure that I hate those what ifs.

There have been certain things in my life right now that maybe I wished I had the courage to do/say without worrying what the final impact be. If only you knew...

P.S Thought I would end the post with a new photo of myself ;)

Confused

2011-07-13T00:16:00.002+10:00

What do you do when you meet one of those people who have split personalities?

P.S Lack of posts again. It's just that these days I feel like I'm heaps busy :( No time to lounge around in the house doing nothing.

P.P.S I Passed all my semester 1 subjects :)

And we know

2011-07-06T01:11:00.003+10:00

Truth is...

I should stop caring
Stop having expectations

I feel like I get disappointed every time I expect something from this person. But why am I even building those expectations for? When I think about it, what am I to this person? Are they actually worth my time and effort? Are they that important to me to make me care? I know it's bad to make assumptions without any facts. If I really want to know an answer to something, it sounds simple enough to just ask right? But thing is, I don't know how to. Right now, I'm doing all that I can. Yet I don't feel like I can say it is reciprocated in the same manner. I'm sick of always being the one stuck in this position. Sick and tired... maybe at the end of the day, I am the one that's caring too much and that it's time I stopped.

If I stopped, would they notice??

3 days later...

2011-07-03T23:37:00.002+10:00

Back from camp!

:)

Hello

No energy left

2011-06-30T19:29:00.002+10:00

For some reason I feel tired. Not the lacking sleeping kind of tired, but the emotional kind of tired. You know the feeling like how sometimes you just can't be bothered anymore? Right now, I'm sick of thinking. Sick of wishing and wanting for things that most probably never eventuate. How do I stop my mind from thinking about those kind of things?

I'm in desperate need of some sort of self reinvention.

Camp tomorrow!
But no excitement yet? :S

2011-06-28T20:55:00.001+10:00

Over

How to be happy..?

2011-06-22T22:24:00.003+10:00

Due to my lack of happiness these days, decided to do a quick depression test courtesy of beyondblue.org.au.

***

For the last 2 weeks have you had:

1. Depressed mood
2. Loss of interest or pleasure

If you answered 'YES' to either of these questions, complete the symptom checklist below:

1. Depressed mood most of the day
2. Less interest or pleasure in all activities
3. Weight loss or gain (when not dieting)
4. Sleeping difficulties
5. Slowed or fastened movements
6. Tiredness or loss of energy
7. Feeling worthless
8. Difficulty concentrating
9. Thoughts of death

And my final score?

If you scored 5 or more you may have depression.

***

Yeah I know this is only a short check list and doesn't take into consideration of other factors happening in my life, so the real chances are, I probably am just temporarily depressed... maybe.

Still have one more exam left, and when that exam concludes, I can say I have been studying for the damn semester one exams for 5 weeks! I feel like although my timetable is so spread out, my end result will either be similar to before and for some, maybe even worse than others. If it's like that, what's the point of dragging out exams for that long? :(

It's sad how that motivation I had at the beginning of semester to get 75+ for everything is basically down the drain. Now, I'll be grateful for a pass. This sort of stuff affects my mood.

My eyes are tired.
My brain is tired.

What more can I do?

I need some sort of motivation to pull through for the last one.

So over exams already

2011-06-21T00:46:00.003+10:00

still got two more finals within the next week.
No rest for me... yet :'(

Insomnia

2011-06-20T02:39:00.001+10:00

Can't sleep. Been trying for about an hour and a half :(
Is it cause of...

Excitement?
Nervousness?
Or that cup of vanilla latte I had before dinner?

Success

2011-06-19T23:55:00.002+10:00

First time that I got something that I wanted with effort. It may seem small, insignificant and a waste of time to others but to me it's something.

A small step to something better.

。。什么？

2011-06-16T20:37:00.003+10:00

不知道我自己想法是什么了。觉得我现在的生活，是没什么的。一天比一天过得很快，可是没有做什么特别的。
天天起床了以后，久慢慢学习。So sick of me 常常浪费时间，and not focusing when I should.
有人明白我的感情吗？

Happy birthday

2011-06-15T23:31:00.002+10:00

Delayed birthday post for Christine. Pretty cupcakes yeah? Our cupcake making skills have improved. Just wait till exams are over, we'll make more. I want to work on decorating it, since that's what put's it together :D Have a thing for baking after 11pm now. Not only cause electricity rates are cheaper by more than half, but we're very impatient type of people... so waiting for cake to cool during day time seems to take forever.

I MUST STUDY. FOCUS.

2011-06-15T22:40:00.003+10:00

I MUST STUDY.
Two more finals to go.
But no more motivation left.
I have basically been doing NOTHING since accounting exam last Friday.
Feeling guilty? Yes
Regret wasting 5 days? Yes
But those days are gone, and nothing can be done.
So here is to hoping that I can focus starting tomorrow.

Meanwhile, been feeding myself heaps of unhealthy junk food and cake :(

Also, Christine and I keep getting distracted and start talking about our business idea. Maybe more like a dream since I can't really realistically see it all happening. However, I don't want to give up hope, maybe one day it's possible.

First purchase from AFW

2011-06-12T13:41:00.002+10:00

I've been wanting to buy from those popular asian wholesaler sites for ages now. And often from the zillion reviews I have read, it's basically a hit or miss - you either get lucky and find nice looking clothes for cheap, or it just turns out crap and not worth the $$$ paid.

Reasons for FINALLY resorting to asian wholesalers:

Ever since my aunty got back from Beijing WITHOUT summer dresses for us (even though Christine and I kept suggesting she should buy) :(((
Cheap affordable clothing from here are all pretty standard, and basic. That and everyone else will know exactly where you get your clothes from.
All the nice looking clothes from here are all out of my budget. And yes, I am well aware that my budget per piece of clothing is damn low.

I wasted hours and hours since yesterday and this morning going through these sites, checking up on their measurements, my measurements and tossing up between what to buy. Lots of decision making here! Oh and risk taking as well. So in the end, I decided on 9 items - mixture of summer/winter clothing. The summer dresses are really pretty and girly so I couldn't possibly say no.

The order came up to a total of $117.80 USD, and I got charged $114.63 AUD :D Awesome how the Aussie dollar is so high :D :D

Anyway, I will try and do a proper review when the package arrives. 3.32kg of clothes woooo!

Regrets

2011-06-11T00:29:00.004+10:00

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget

Does anyone ever have those moments where your brain is completely blank, as in you're not thinking about anything? You're kind of like a hollow shell, a being without a soul, without thoughts, feelings. Yeah, sometimes I have those moments, but in the end, my mind brings me back to times that I wish I could redo. Things that I regret and would give anything to live it over and not make those mistakes again.

These regrets, will always be there. If only I did this, If only I had said that. But reality is, we can't change the past. So really, there is no point in dwelling on it so much, nor trying so hard to forget it. It will always be there for us as a learning experience in life. Some people have those "no regrets" attitudes towards living life, which probably makes their life more easier, and happy-go-lucky. But how about the rest of us who, no matter how much we try to live without regrets, it just so happens that there is no escape? The answer? We can only take up every opportunity that is given to us now, and just hope that the actions, choices and decisions we make now are the right ones. Since really, what else can we do?

What are your biggest regrets in life? I would say I'm a bit slow sometimes and it doesn't occur to me the importance/value/significance of someone, something until it is too late. I think maybe the right words are: I take things and people for granted. But the only reason I do this (unintentionally of course) is that it just never crosses my mind I would lose it - the opportunity, the person, the object etc. It's like I play these stupid mind games with myself, however I just know that I can't win.

P.S I like taking photos of rainbows. That was taken while standing at my house door. Did I post that photo up before? Not sure :/ But doesn't matter, if I did, it just means you get a second opportunity to appreciate it :)

Study Hard Anthem - Party Rock Anthem Parody

2011-06-11T00:02:00.002+10:00

Every uni student can relate to this right about now.

I was dead tired today. Was out of the house for 15 hours and been awake for 20 hours (still going)... but since next exam is on 22nd, energy is back up again :D

mini warbler performing to teenage dream

2011-06-07T23:20:00.000+10:00

The cutest little boy!
i want a kid just like this LOL

what a night!

2011-06-04T23:12:00.005+10:00

i apologize to my readers, for all the swearing in my last post, i dont actually swear...till now! but i guess it was just a heated moment, its been a new day already, so going to leave the past in the past!

Anyways yestarday, was my last friday at uni for this semester! throughout the whole semester, it has become a 'Friday desert day' where linh, mitchell, vinh, dan and i adventure out for desert, from Passionflower, cold rock and then to meetfresh etc.
So therefore it was the last one!
my day started off with having class with julie :) then dnm-ed after class a bit till vinh mentioned he was in the library, we walked down and found the boys and dan... studying or more like playing 'words' LOL so me and andrew started to play 'tetris battle' on fb LOL after that had my last IBP class, then met up with linh and everyone back in the library after, it was pretty funny watching them study! they were so distracted, it was like teachers teaching primary school kids haha after that went to class for the next 2 hours, and finished around 7:20pm? and met up with Dan vinh, mitch and william in the library to go to 'Pancakes on the rocks' for our last desert!
there ended up having a massive line outside, so lined up for about 30mins? but is pretty satisfying and nice :) the boys were acting gay as usual, but it was a good night!
After that we walked our way back to town hall station, caught the train with Dan, while the boys missed the train LOL and went to canley, to meet up with Vanessa, Stella, Sarah, Linh, Vivian and Matty :) and ty matty for the continous check ups on me on the train!
Meet them all at 'Richards on the Park' having a few drinks :) so it was good catching up and seeing everyone and managed to get home by 12:00. So had a pretty good day, with all my special girls and boys!

the boys playing 'words'

Vinh DO!

mMmm pancakes :)

.... why am I like this?

2011-06-03T22:31:00.000+10:00

I can't study. I can't focus. I'm feeling a bit too laid back when I am suppose to be stressing and studying till my brain burn out. Yet I'm not. I keep thinking about other things. The future. Things that may never even eventuate. WHY? WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF?

Chinese final was on Wednesday, but I didn't study much for it. Just memorised vocabulary and ATTEMPTED to understand grammar and all that, but meh, I wasn't motivated for it. Maybe that's why I feel like I went so bad in that compared to the mid sem, good bye 95% + :(

After chinese final on Wednesday, about half of us went out for movies (Hangover 2) & dinner (Korean BBQ). It has been so long since I last stepped foot into a cinema, but I felt disappointed that the screen was so small since we were in a small theatre :( That was the last day of having fun and bludging... or so I told myself. But who knew that two days later I still haven't made much progress at all. This is outrageous. What happened to my study abilities? :( I wish I'm able to find them again, preferably by tomorrow :)

Anyway, here's my exam timetable:
Friday 10/06/2011 08:45-12:00 ACCT3563:Issues in Financial Reporting
Wednesday 22/06/2011 13:45-16:00 ECON2206:Introductory Econometrics
Monday 27/06/2011 08:45-11:00 FINS2643:Wealth Management

Can't believe how lagged I am in posting it. Got heaps to days to prepare for each exam, so I guess that's why I am in lala land so often :'( Ever since uni started in 2009, every semester I usually get screwed over with crappy timetables of starting on the first day of exams and finishing within one week. This time, I got nearly a whole damn month. Gee it just screams of my being complacent about everything :(

现在的我觉得很烦恼，很乱糟糟。我怎么了？

梁静茹《可惜不是你》

2011-06-03T01:27:00.001+10:00

Can't stop listening to this song. It just brings me back to good times :)

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
This moment makes me feel so familiar
像昨天今天同时在放映
It's as if yesterday and today are screening simultaneously
我这句语气原来好像你
In fact my tone is so like yours
不就是我们爱过的证据
That's the prove of us having been together

差一点骗了自己骗了你
I almost deceived myself and deceived you
爱与被爱不一定成正比
Love and being love are not necessary of the same amount
我知道被疼是一种运气
I know that being loved is lucky
但我无法完全交出自己
But I couldn't give away myself completely

努力为你改变
Try hard to change myself for you
却变不了预留的伏线
But I can't change the remained evidence
以为在你身边那也算永远
I thought I'd be forever by your side
彷佛还是昨天
Everything is as if still in yesterday
可是昨天已非常遥远
Yet yesterday is so far away
但闭上双眼我还看得见
When I close my eyes, I still can see all that

可惜不是你陪我到最后
Too bad that it's not you who's with me till the end
曾一起走却走失那路口
We walked together but separated at that junction
感谢那是你牵过我的手
Thank you that it's you who had hold my hands
还能感受那温柔
I still can feel the warmth

那一段我们曾心贴著心
Back then, we kept our hearts together
我想我更有权力关心你
I think I have the right to care about you
可能你已走进别人风景
Perhaps now you've walked into the scenery of others
多希望也有星光的投影
How I hope I too have the projection of star light

努力为你改变
Try hard to change myself for you
却变不了预留的伏线
But I can't change the remained evidence
以为在你身边那也算永远
I thought I'd be forever by your side
彷佛还是昨天
Everything is as if still in yesterday
可是昨天已非常遥远
Yet yesterday is so far away
但闭上双眼我还看得见
When I close my eyes, I still can see all that

可惜不是你陪我到最后
Too bad that it's not you who's with me till the end
曾一起走却走失那路口
We walked together but separated at that junction
感谢那是你牵过我的手
Thank you that it's you who had hold my hands
还能感受那温柔
I still can feel the warmth
感谢那是你牵过我的手
Thank you that it's you who had hold my hands
还能温暖我胸口
It still warms my chest

so freaken annoyed! A MSG to you!

2011-06-02T22:48:00.004+10:00

So freaken pissed off right now! after words getting around and hearing things... dont freaken talk crap if you dont want it to get around! wtf? have i ever done to you ay? exactly nothing!
i gave you a chance, i was freaken real to you despite everything! while you were freaken fake the whole time! i fucken had enough of this shit! you guys want me gone? well now i'm gone for good, you dont have to freaken bother putting an act on everytime anymore, coz im just done! done for good! you can continue to live your life as if its a competition the whole time, because in the end there is nothing to compete about, we are two different people so therefore nothing to compare!

you know what? just fuck yous! seriously! after this post, im just over everything, just fucken stay away from me, and ill do the same! you can continue to talk, as if i'll never hear anything, i dont give a shit anymore! i got bigger worries than to play your little game!
And a final result? you got to me ok? you got to me this one time, because u played me good, and for me? i got the truth! and that is the most important thing for me, even though i may not have heard it from you, but at least i know ay? and now i know not to believe that freaken fake act you put on each time u see me!

so goodbye to you all!!

i'm so heated up atm, have not felt like this since highschool, over little pointless arguments. but this time is different, it has really made me think about myself!
am i just to nice to people? people i gave respect, and trust to people who ended up screwing me over? well i fucken had enough of this shit, i am no pushover! if you fucken want me respect or every friends? you got to earn it!
im done being the nice one, im done with your talking,and im done with everything... i never saw things the way you saw them, i had no intention of ever saying or doing anything bad to you, coz you know what? i know i am better person than that! i gave freaken everyone a chance including you!
I said one thing to that person! and me still being the person i am i still beleive in that!
so dont worry i have no intentions on bothering you, i'll fucken stay out of your way, so now you dont have to see things in that manner anymore. Obviously you will be better, because everything time you learn something new things will continue to get better, so im telling you as a person... dont bother wasting your time anymore, if you know you a better than thats that! you got your answer already, because inside you already knew it, so stop fucken going around and telling people that! and definitely to people i know..because word does get around! i had enough!

on a another note i have never swore so much in my life! *sigh and im am not proud of it!

the picture of my thoughts

2011-06-01T23:42:00.003+10:00

this image explains everything.. besides one exception

我們怎麼了 - S.H.E

2011-05-31T00:40:00.000+10:00

What's real

2011-05-30T22:37:00.003+10:00

I am as confused as confused could be. Ever had the opportunity to meet one of those people who just some how unintentionally have the skill to mess up your mind, your thoughts? Basically everything you thought was real? There's this one friend that I haven't seen or talked to much recently. And when I saw this friend, they looked different. They acted different. But all in a good way. Lets just say that the way that they had changed impressed me. And honestly, made me want to be in their presence more, to talk to them more and catch up on everything. However, being in this kind of situation makes me wonder if I had changed as much as them. How do they see me as? What are their thoughts on me? Seeing them, brings me back to how things were once upon a time. Both the good and the bad. But for some reason, the bad things just seem to insignificant now and all that I can fill up in my brain are all the good memories.

But then thinking this way just makes me even more confused. The life that I had lived without them, the friendships that I had formed, the closeness to certain people... they all just can't compare to this one friend. It's most probably because I've known this person for longer, but still, when we talk, I don't have to be someone that I'm not. They know how I am like, know what kind of person I am. That's how things are suppose to be right? I can't continue living a lie and trying to be someone that I am not. It will eventually get tiring and it will get to the point where I will be unable to continue any further. So maybe, I should just give up on that other aspect of life that had me going crazy for a couple of months. And now, just focus on what's real.

P.S Does this most even make any sense?? Probably doesn't huh?

2011-05-29T23:16:00.001+10:00

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to

Event of the week :)

2011-05-26T20:54:00.003+10:00

As you guys should already know, for the past week been helping out with the cookbook launch. The above photo is the huge blackboard sign that D and I worked on :D Can't you just see our creativity?!

Today in preparation for the launch had to help transport equipment, set up, along with being a waitress, then packing up. Waitressing is hard work... the plate + food are heavy, and imagine holding it for extended period. Yeah, biceps here I come! haha.

The venue. Can you believe it that today was my first time setting foot in the Red Centre building? Always just walked past it, and never into it!

The table that we had set up. Wine bottles and glasses. How classy does it look?

The first of the 3 course meal sample. Carrots, cucumbers or toasties dipped in beetroot and almond dip. That dip was so damn good. So addictive, and you can seriously eat all you want 'cause it's healthy, so no guilt what so ever ! :D

The sample main course, kangaroo and prosciutto with pumpkin mash. I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TRY THIS ONE D: But everyone said it was heavenly. Missed out :(

The third sample was apple crumble with cream. Didn't take a photo though. But you all know what apple crumble looks like anyway.

Throughout whole day, we hardly ate. Lets just say the only thing I mainly ate... carrot sticks 'cause there was so much left over! and crumble with cream (no apples left D:), oh and scraping the remains of pumpkin mash from the pot hahaha. We were food deprived okay?

The free cookbook. There's still plenty of copies left around campus if anyone still wants one. Check out the Arc stores and UNSW bookshop, we had left quite a few in each place. It has the recepies of the sample food in the launch. I so am going to make that beetroot dip and let that be my exam period snacking food (which may hopefully let me avoid any unnecessary weight gain :D)

There was a protest happening outside Max Brenner today at Parramatta. It was my first time witnessing a protest, so I was :O the whole time. They were protesting against MB's support for the Israeli army and genocide. Police and security surrounded the area as well.

BY2《Don't Go Away》完整MV___中文版

2011-05-26T19:43:00.000+10:00

想忘记所有的烦恼

2011-05-25T22:34:00.001+10:00

End

That good day I was hoping for about 21 hours ago...

2011-05-25T22:06:00.002+10:00

...was just that. Wishful thinking. The weather today was soooo bad. Super windy, was sprinkling/raining. Guess mother nature knew how I felt on the inside and decided to show me visually :(

I just can't be bothered anymore. Maybe I should just give up on it. On everything. All this nonsense is affecting my mood, my behaviour, my attitude. I don't like it. It was probably better before when I thought there was no hope. Then maybe, all this would be easier to accept. What to do? What to do? I just want to forget it all......

Anyway, tomorrow got to get to uni by 9am for the Cookbook Launch! So for anyone who is interested, stop by the Gallery, Red Centre at 12pm for the launch and get 3 course sample lunch provided, and free cookbook as well. Pretty good deal right? :)

罗志祥 - 好朋友

2011-05-25T20:03:00.000+10:00

听一下吧？

Finally!

2011-05-25T01:07:00.003+10:00

ZOMG FINALLY FINISHED ECONOMETRICS ASSIGNMENT & WEALTH MGT FINANCIAL FOLDER :D

Now, to memorise my lines for chinese class roleplay... zzzz

Having 3 assessments all due on same day is energy draining I tell you!
But then again, it's my fault for leaving everything last minute :'(

Let's hope that today is a better day :)

just another 'smile'

2011-05-23T17:53:00.005+10:00

i know i havent bloged for a while.. just been pretty out of it, with exams and assignments. As well as not liking people knowing how i feel and people judging what i say on this. In the end this is my blog and i blog about anything i like or whatever on my mind...

I hate the person i am becoming atm, enclosed and very to myself. I find it very hard to be able to trust people.. so i dont talk to anyone, but instead keep things to myself and just dance in my own circle i guess? and when this happens, i over think things too much! people who see me around may see me with a big smile on my face, but little do they know what i am going through! Its true when people say 'its easy to first gain trust for someone...but once its gone its hard to get it back' and in the end mayb some people arnt even worth the trouble?
i feel like i am just a girl who sees all the bad things about my life atm...and i cant even notice the good! when did i become like this? so negative? i hate it! just filled with so much hate and blame! i feel like shutting myself from the world...and move to china or somewhere far away! a little selfish i know...but it feels like it will solve all my problems, because in China was the last time i was actually happy and carefree! whereas now i just feel so screwed over! mayb coz i am? i mean i cant even think straight let alone study! i remember assignment and test i had last year i was on top of everything getting things done a few days before even.. as compared to now submitting assignments later and doing them all last minute! what am i becoming?
I remember the day i got my acceptance into UTS i was so happy! knowing i can finally get out of uws... and see my other friends more regularly! but i guess it was not what i expected at all, at times i even think it would have been better if i stayed where i was for myself and everyone around! because now i only have one 'label' on me.. which i wont mention here.. and i hate it people wondering and questioning my actions.. you probably got no idea what i am talking about, but i guess no one do!
Every night i have even resorted to having trouble sleeping... always will be awake at 2 and some times 3 or even 4 before i can fall asleep... and the sad thing is 'tetris' is the only thing that is able to help me sleep, sad i know, but i guess i play till my eyes get tired...

So in the end, if anyone actually wonders how i am...im just a complete mess!

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

2011-05-22T19:37:00.002+10:00

"I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree"

Volunteering & MJ dvd

2011-05-20T18:14:00.003+10:00

It is now the end of week 11. Seriously how fast did the semester go by? Week 12 for me is filled with assessments and volunteer work. I actually started volunteering for the Cookbook Launch at uni, and this morning had headed off to uni just to do... CHALKING. For those that were at UNSW today, did anybody come across:

"Cookbook Launch
Thursday 26th May 12-1:30pm
Red Centre, Gallery
FREE 3 course lunch and cookbook"

Yeah, we were responsible for it :D

While working hard at chalking, we came across these people giving out free dvd if you complete their survey. So we detoured and completed their apparently "short" questionnaire. In the end, got a free "Michael Jackson: This is it" DVD. I haven't seen it, and not sure if I will be bothered watching it. You see, I'm not one of those hardcore MJ fans. So I'm thinking it would probably be better if I just give it away to someone who is a die-hard fan. Everything will remain in it's original packaging (unopened), so if anybody wants it... just tell me!

[ENG Subs Dream High] Cant I Love You - Pil-Suk[IU] & Sam-Dong[Soo-Hyun]...

2011-05-17T00:29:00.001+10:00

I seriously can't get sick of this scene from Dream High.

How cute is Jason?

Manners vs Interest

2011-05-16T00:26:00.002+10:00

I briefly mentioned this last time, and well it really is messing with my brain. I can't think properly, can't study... everything seems to revolve around this 'what if'. I hate thinking 'what if' 'cause that ultimately means that I, somewhere in my messed up brain, think that there is a one in a million chance. And that one in a million chance is enough to give me hope. With hope comes certain emotions and feelings directed towards that specific person. So what's someone like me suppose to do? I easily...

over think things
over complicate things
do things that I regret
say things that I regret
say the right things at the wrong time
make assumptions about situations
think the worse of every scenario
rush into things
let my emotions take over

I don't want to fall prey to my usual impulsiveness. I want to do everything slowly and make it right. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason, and if it's something that is not in my favour, it's just a little detour from me getting to the final answer. All this... I want to believe it. But the other half of my brain says otherwise. I keep trying to decipher their actions, their words... but getting no where. Is it just them being nice? or is there something more? As much as I want it to be the latter, the ultimate decision is not up to me. I hate it when others have control over me. Over my heart, my brain... my everything :(

喜欢就是喜欢

2011-05-11T19:51:00.003+10:00

如果他会看到这个blog，我想跟他说：

我喜欢的人就是你。

你知道吗？昨天以后，我的想法都是你。没有想到我会这么喜欢你啊。我们有可能吗？

We Pray For You -55 Youtubers Edition -Japan/ US Tornado Tribute (Origin...

2011-05-11T19:51:00.000+10:00

All messed up

2011-05-11T19:16:00.002+10:00

Time after time again, I keep making the same mistakes. You would think that I am smart enough to know that it's better to have no expectations. No expectations, no disappointment.

What's worse is feeling this when you don't have the right to feel it. If you guys no what I mean?

Its those little things, they all add up and make me think otherwise. But when I think about it, realistically there is no chance. All those so called moments I have, it's all in my head isn't it? It's because I'm starting to care, that's why it's affecting me so much isn't it? I really need to start to learn to distinguish between manners and interest. How do you tell the difference? I really do want to know. Maybe then, I won't keep thinking about 'what if.....'

.

2011-05-10T22:08:00.001+10:00

what the hell is wrong with me???

Strangers, again

2011-05-08T00:02:00.000+10:00

The youtube video by wongfu productions that everyone is watching.

Finally watched it just then and everything is just so true. Relationships can only work when both parties care. There is no point dwelling so much on being together if one person doesn't put in the effort. So it is hard work trying to maintain it. We don't know what the future will be, nor who we will end up with. But our actions right now, the things we do, say or the things we don't do or say will ultimately make that decision for us gradually in the future. Sometimes, break ups are inevitable and when it does happen, for the most part it is probably for the better. It's a waste of time to be part of a relationship that causes nothing but anger, hurt. In those cases, it is better if everyone just go their separate ways. Sure, it may hurt, but over time, everything will just be a distant memory. You learn from your mistakes and move on. But for those lucky few who are able to apart of a happy relationship, cherish it. Don't ever let your partner feel as if you've taken them for granted.

Everything seems to be going down hill

2011-05-06T19:51:00.004+10:00

Everything seems to be crumbling down, brick by brick, tile by tile. Before you know it, everything that I value, everything that I want to do, everything that I want to achieve will be left with nothing.

Everything seems like it's out of reach, deemed to be an impossible task without second thoughts. That part of me, is what I want to change. A lot of things have not gone in my favour this year, and I know for sure that the rest of the year will be just as tough. However, I want to believe that I will pull through, that I can pull through all of this and remember nothing about the pain, just the smiles and good times.

All serious matters aside, I'm hungry.

That was @ Tony Roma's last weekend. All you can eat ribs for $15. I'm not a huge fan of meat, so when I saw the portion size, I was like :O

why?

2011-05-05T22:08:00.002+10:00

Why is that when something good happens there is a chance for it to be forgotten until its been triggered, while when something bad happens it will always be remembered and be left there as the last memory. I try to reminisce now all the happy and good times ive have had in the past year... but not many comes to mind, it all seem to be just a distance memory while the bad times are still remembered as if it was yesterday. Interesting way the mind works...

questions

2011-05-04T23:21:00.003+10:00

ive been on this blog so many times..
why is it that i cant seem to write anything anymore?

is it beause im over blogging? or because i dont want people knowing how i feel through this blog?

IU & WooYoung - Someday

2011-05-02T23:17:00.001+10:00

Fallen in love with IU, with WooYoung.
With Pilsuk, with Jason.

This coupling is so sweet. So cute. So fairytale.
I want to be like Pilsuk and find my Jason :)

When WooYoung appears towards the end of the clip, doesn't he look really good? Must be my attraction towards guys and vests ;)

Yet another month gone..

2011-05-01T13:59:00.002+10:00

It's MAY already?!

Wow, time flies.

要是 ...

2011-04-27T16:30:00.003+10:00

如果 and 要是.

Was using vocab learnt in chinese class and decided to use 要是 instead of the usual 如果 for 'if' , but my mum thought I said 要死 -___-". Fail.

But at the rate I am going, 如果我就是要死呢?

so true..

2011-04-26T17:54:00.000+10:00

"The people that you love and care for are the ones who have the most power to destroy you"

Too superstitious? D:

2011-04-26T17:08:00.002+10:00

4:44

It feels like lately, every time I look at what time it is 4:44 keeps popping up. Am I being too superstitious? Lets hope so. I don't want to die, die, die D:

Rely less on your heart and more on your mind

2011-04-26T16:14:00.001+10:00

Stop putting emotions before logic for temporary happiness.

People say when you find that special someone, you should be committed and love them with all your heart, and that’s true for the most part; however, I also believe that if you only love with just your heart alone, you will only get hurt in the process as well as in the long run. Sometimes you have to stop and weigh the situation based on reasons rather than just emotions. Go against your heart if you want, use your brain, because isn’t that why it’s there for? What do you have to lose? Following your heart isn’t always the answer. Find someone who will not only love you with their heart, but with their mind as well. Find someone who will look past your words, and find the deeper meaning; someone who will decipher the message you are really trying to convey.

Needed: A brain

2011-04-24T20:54:00.002+10:00

Can't think straight.

What's happening to me?

P.S I am now a retired wannabe chef. No more cooking main course meals. Tonight was energy draining enough lol. I'll stick to sweets thanks.

I give up

2011-04-24T14:59:00.002+10:00

Give up.

As much as I hate it, there is only so much I can tolerate.

In the end, they are all the same.
I don't see why I bother?